Here's a question for you.

When you are in bondage: 

 Do you struggle the whole time?

 Do you struggle to test the bondage them relax once you know you can't get free?

The question came up the last night when mike gagged me with socks that he had worn all weekend then tied me with my arms pulled up behind my back.  He tied my ankles so my legs were crossed and then tied a rope around my neck and pulled that down to my ankles.  I struggled like hell but then stopped when I knew for sure that I couldn't escape.

Mike wanted to see me struggle more but I sunk into such a submissive state that I was more interested in feeling helpless and the increasing pain caused by my position.

 I have lived in Colorado for some time now.  It is my home base, so speak.   Things have changed over the years.  The group that "purchased" the Cloverdale property failed.  The intent of running of the property was good but they never attracted enough members so that they could afford to pay the mortgage so the place fell into near ruin before the bank contacted me with an urgent offer to take the over again at a lower cost than I had sold it.

I had to.  My Great Uncle must have been angry as my "home" seemed to terrify every person who considered purchasing it.  They were all convinced that the property was very, very haunted. The olive trees were gnarled beyond their age and stopped bearing fruit. The vineyards were also send twisted creepers across the ground from row to row.  Rodents and insect infestation nearly whipped out all of the vegetation except the overgrown grass that was brown and suffering from neglect and drought.

Ian disappeared several years ago while I was in New York at a gallery opening. Not a soul could account for him.  He hadn't been seen in London or Germany.  His bank accounts and credit cards hadn't been touched.  His passport had been left in the center drawer of his desk.  I gave up searching after a year.  Friends convinced me to move on with my life which I fought until it became obvious that he was gone and never to be found again.  I left the locks unchanged, hoping that he would return someday.

I travel from Colorado to California often to see the progress on the work at Cloverdale.  I've hired a caretaker and his wife to manage the property and manage the labor as they reconstruct what had been lost.  It was hard to keep help at first but as I found more time to work there myself, the hauntings subsided and help is more apt to stay.  One of the Mexican laborer's wife is a Shaman who insists that she has been able to subdue my angry uncle's spirit.  Whatever, things are becoming more positive.

I am more at ease with my own life these days. Mad Mike from Georgia has moved to Colorado to try to take over where Ian left off. We've been friends off and on for years but never got to the state of being lovers. Its been difficult because Ian and I are still officially married.  Being tied up by him never approaches the intensity that I felt with Ian but we still get our kicks.

I'm hoping to find time to write here several times a week.