Friday, March 28, 2014

The Union of two in Marriage.

The cleaning crew has done their work and the caterers are starting to set up their wares. We're rehearsing our vows with the judge this evening then going down the valley for dinner. It seems like we're following tradition. We hoped to marry on the deck overlooking the valley but we decided to us the great room because there is impending rain and colder temperatures.

I'd like to play today but there are many people coming and going as well as a house full of guests. I think it would relieve the nervousness that is upsetting my stomach a bit. I think it's the party that's getting to me. I think I'll go to my studio to meditate and quiet my mind. Painting is always cathartic.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

What a healthy relationship looks like

I'm reading Buddhist Boot Camp by Timber Hawkeye for the fourth time. I read it because I need constant reminder about what is important in life. I've sent copies to friends and people that need to break from unhealthy thinking and doing.

You can visit Timber's website at:

Now that I have been in a relationship with Master for almost two years and we're looking toward marriage this weekend, this chapter is especially important.

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."                                                              -Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Relationships are often misunderstood to be a simple commitment between two people; a dedication to each other with a sense of belonging to one another. That kind of limited perspective breeds expectations, possessiveness and disappointment, and it reeks of ownership, greed and selfish desire.

A healthy relationship is an agreement between two people to support each other's spiritual practice. It is a vow to encourage each other's dedication, devotion and path, free from attachment or expectations (yet full of caring and compassion). A healthy relationship is based on unconditional love, not one where the need is to possess. Although you put plenty of "heart" into it, you lose nothing by giving it away. If each person is equally dedicated to inspire, create, awaken and enrich the lives of others, then there is no hidden agenda. It is far less important what one receives from the other as what on can give. Intimacy would suddenly surpass warmth and tenderness to also include patience, vulnerability, honesty, active listening, understanding, connection and unwavering trust.

There is a healing power inherent in this kind of union, and it is capable of deep transformation for both people. It is an incredible opportunity to actually practice what we learn (from non-violent communication to meditation, listening, mirroring, authenticity, resolve, radical honesty, appreciation, purpose, equality, celebration, and mutuality).

Healthy relationships are a collaboration of sorts, two peaceful warriors spiritually supporting one another on their individual journeys to spread positivity and light.

May we all close the gap between what we believe and how we act in the world.


This is who we are. Even when we are deeply involved in activities that reflect a certain kind of violence, it is based on the love we have for each other, trust and above all, the desire to see the other person happy. It extends to our family, employees and the community that benefits from our lives.
We live what seems like complicated lives but try to be as simple as possible. It's as easy as making the first decision to live for other people and letting go of our fear of what we don't understand.

"All the happiness in the world stems from wanting others to be happy,
all the suffering in the world stems from wanting the self to be happy."


Wednesday, March 26, 2014


I run every other day. I bumped into a guy that we'll call "Jim" who runs on about the same schedule and takes the same route that I usually take. It has a lot of flat road with a smattering of hills that can be very challenging on some days.

Jim is taller than me. He has blondish-red hair and a complexion that makes him look like he works outside. His shoulders are wide, his deltoids are biceps are huge with apparent veins and his thighs and calves are enormous.

I started to feel like he was planning his run to coincide with mine. It almost seemed as if he was stalking me. I mentioned in to Master and Christopher so Christopher drove by us several times to check him out. It didn't seem like a big deal until one evening, Jim asked me if I wanted to stop by his house on the way toward home for a beer.
"I'd have to run that past my owner" was all that I said.
"You're owner?" He looked puzzled.
I put my finger through my collar and said, "yes, I'm in a very committed relationship. I stopped for a moment and pulled the front of my shorts down to show him the chastity device that I wear when I'm running.

I knew what he was after.

"But hey", I said, "how about you coming up to have a beer on the ranch later on this evening"?
And so, that is what he did. He came around to the front door. Pete invited him in to meet Master. Master called me in to introduce him to our guest. We talked for a while then Master invited Jim for dinner. He said he'd already eaten and said he had to go. Master invited Jim to stop by anytime. Jim said he is not gay but said he'd stop by once in a while. I wondered if that would be the end of that. It wasn't. We've met a few times on our runs but he's never come up to the ranch again.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Atlas Shrugged

I just finished reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I had to read it in high school. My thoughts about it are radically different now than they were years ago. We've been watching Continuum on Netflix during the past week. Continuum starts out 50 years in the future in a world run by the Corporate Rights Counsel. It is interesting that my media infusions have been about fighting corporate greed.

Ayn Rand was prophetic in describing a world without shortages of resources and ruled by corporations. It seems as if it was based on the break-up of monopolies and cornered markets of the early 1900s. The prophetic part is that companies are building economic and political influences the barely skirt the definition of monopolies.

I witnessed it in my family. Grand Dad and his brother built a small company that grew rapidly after 1955. They bought a failing competitor in state then another across the country. They bought out a company in the UK and then one of the major supplier of parts. They were a family business that kept growing and buying until another larger corporation bought them. They were ready to sell because there was no family except me to take over and I had no interest. The corporation that purchased them also build jets, helicopters, and they own a huge number of other small and large companies. The Corporation is a quiet company with unbelievable holdings and political influence and many Federal contracts, most of them with the Department of Defense. There are so many corporations like this that in my paranoid thought, seem to rule the world which the average person is defenseless. I wonder if we are delusional in thinking we live in the land of the free. We're all slaves in one way or another.

I found this picture on tumblr the other day. I printed it and stood it up on Master's computer keyboard. Dan and I both got to try the position out.
Here's how the person who posted it described it: 
"I’ve been tied like that — always with a butt plug crammed in my tight fuckhole — and then my man just uses my mouth and cums on my face.  Meanwhile, I’m tied up, horny, and hard, and not able to do a thing about it."
It's exactly how it went for us. Master, Butch, Christopher and Pete all joined in to make Dan and me happy

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Soft and Fluffy

Has anyone owned or touched the fur of a Great Pyrenees? Their fur is like cotton candy without the stickiness. The Pygmy Goats are either curly and wiry or silky. Alpaca are soft and fluffy, their cousins, the llama are fluffy and slightly coarse to the touch. The Horses are silky but when you ride them bareback  while naked, the hair can stab you in all your tender tender places.

I used most of the day outside grooming the animals. My naked and waxed body was covered with hair, fur, sweat and dirt by the end of the day. I rinsed off in a cold outdoor shower before going into the house.

Master had a treat for me when I went into the bedroom to change. He purchased what seems to be science fiction headgear. It consists of a steel posture collar with a lot of bolts, turnbuckles and a padlock on each side of the neck. An extension goes down back of the neck and another down the chest. When everything is fitted, it is impossible to move the head. A muzzle contraption fits from the neck, just below the chin to the back of the collar and another steel band wraps around the head at eye level to form a loose fitting eye shield that partially blocks vision. A steel tube fits in the mouth and curves up the front of the face and attaches to the harness strap at the forehead. The head is completely imprisoned. An optional funnel fits into the top of the tube.

Master tied me so that I was stuck in a seated position. We were in the TV room watching soccer games. I was the urinal for the evening. Five beer guzzling guys made use of me. My gut filled, my bladder felt like it would burst and there was no way to get relief except to soak an antique oriental carpet.


Saturday, March 22, 2014

The Noose

Master was in the mood to bully me from the moment he woke up. Nothing that I did was right, even when I followed his instructions to the letter. He slapped me around, beat me with a leather strap pushed me up against the side of a barn and yelled into my face like a military training sergeant. He ordered me to stand with my nose against the side of the barn with my legs spread and wrists crossed behind my back and wait for him.

I complied with his order. He came barreling out of the house and started calling me names and accused me of disobeying the moment his back was turned. He was dressed in black police gear and reflective sunglasses. He jammed his knee into my nuts then punished me with a slug in my back. Anyone who saw how he was treating me would have been appalled.

Master eventually cuffed my hands behind my back and dragged me into the barn by my shirt collar that he ripped and then tore it to shreds.

“Okay dumb fuck, I know you ripped all those helpless senior citizens off. Where the fuck did you hide the spoils from your little game?”

“Fuck you, you sleazy cop, I’m not telling your anything. You haven’t even read me my rights. I have a right to remain silent and that’s what I’m going to do!”

“That’s right boy! Yes, you have the right to remain silent. In fact, I’m going to make sure you take full advantage of that…”.

Master gagged me with a stinking old sock and strapped a hard jock cup gag over that. He shoved the gag in so tight that I had to work very hard to breath. He used police handcuff on my ankles, leaving me no room to move. He sat back on a bench and tied a noose with traditional 13 knots. He threw the noose over a barn beam and slipped it over my head, tightening it behind my right ear. He pulled me up to my toes and tied the rope off; leaving me in peril of hanging if I slipped or couldn’t maintain my weight on the tips of my toes.

Master used his signal whip on my back until I lost my balance and blacked out. I woke up, still bound, with my head between Master’s legs. The gag had been removed and the noose hung loosely from neck. He smiled when I opened my eyes. I felt content to know that he could still scare the crap of me. I laughed.

After thoughts:

I’d never put up with real abuse, not by a long shot but its fun to play at it occasionally. Sometimes I want to be gang raped. It happens occasionally when the family is playing together. I know a lot of guys have the fantasy but I can’t think of a single person that would want to be raped in reality. There’s a big difference between be submissive and being used against your will, although it’s hard to tell when looking in from the outside.

Master and I will be married one week from today. I wonder if it will change anything in our relationship. If it happens it happens. I am getting excited about it.

I was out with the horses earlier today. I decided to dismount and take a nap in the middle of the meadow. Sancho and Panza napped with me. Sancho allowed me to use him as a pillow and Panza fell asleep with his head on my stomach. It was a blissful way to spend a few hours on a Saturday afternoon. Down Jackets are a good thing.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Last Night

So we were staying in a hotel in San Francisco last night. Master had me tied quite inescapable, in fact, uncomfortably inescapable. He had stuffed a wash cloth into my mouth, tied it in place with a dirty sock then wrapped duct tape around it several times.

I'd been that way since lunch.

He slipped into his 20 hole grinders and laced then snuggly over his tightest leather jeans. His words were muffled a bit by a cigar that he held in his mouth. "I'm going out for a few hours but don't worry, I'll tighten your bondage and wrap more tape around your gag before I leave and so you won't get bored, I'll clamp you tits and the tip of your cock".

He turned the lights out just before leaving. "Don't forget", he said, "You're in a hotel room and you don't want to disturb the other guests", he laughed as he closed the door behind himself as he stepped into the hallway.

So, wherever you are, that's were you are.

Pain set in quickly as the teeth from the clamp on the tip of my cock started to work into my flesh.

Master, soon to be husband, warned me that we were to spend our "honeymoon" as husband and object. It seems to me that the knots in my harness are tightening and I plan on enjoying it.

Sunday, March 9, 2014


Leisure life is nearing an end here on the ranch. We've been able to travel and play with abandon over the past months but work season begins in earnest tomorrow. The architects and gardeners begin laying out the vineyards and buildings associated with them.

We brought our Pigmy Goats home today after a mad weekend dash to Oregon  to pick them up. They are cool little characters that are already affectionate with us. They like to be held and carried like puppies. I want to be at home more to enjoy keeping all the animals instead of wondering, sometimes aimlessly. It's time to start enjoying the life I intended when I moved here.

I haven't painted for over a week and I've written on the run instead of spending quality time on the writing project that is coming due.

Master and I are getting married and having a party at home to celebrate with friends instead of running off on another trip. We both feel a need to settle down.

This blog is essentially coming to an end with this posting. I'm going to concentrate on things that really matter instead of revealing our sexual exploits. I'm tired of writing about them and tired of discussing my private life with people that I don't know.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Picnic Lunch Among the Redwoods

Driving down the road, the car made a sudden left turn into a park, seemingly having a mind of it's own. It was Master's cock that was navigating!

It was a cool fuckin' time.
Master had me lay on a picnic table with my jeans down around my knees. He fucked me right there.
It was the second time today.

We got home just after lunch then had to drive the rental to the local econo lease office.
We're heading north with the truck to pick up the Pygmy Goats that we purchased. We bought a pair to add to our menagerie. Butch is building a space in the barn for them tomorrow.  They are supposedly prodigious breeders during their second year. Sounds like they will fit in perfectly at the ranch.

I've posted the above drawing before. It's an absolute turn on because it is something
that Master likes to do to what you see in the picture to me.


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Very Little Sex except in the morning

We're in Oregon. I think we'll be home late Wednesday.  The weather is good. It rains, mists and gets sunny as we drive through each microcosm. It's exactly what we expected. We let road signs direct us as we drive. We turned up a valley road because a sign said "Pigmy Goats", another sign drew us off the road that said "buttery cheeseburgers". We're driving out toward Pendleton to buy Indian Blankets and wool shirts tomorrow.

We're zig-sagging back and forth, burning up a lot of gas.

I lied about sex. I gave Master head while he was driving. I've always wanted to try it.

I was thinking more about homophobia today.  I've collected a few pictures of Military Men who were showing intimacy and closeness, as in friendship and male bonding.

We see women hugging and kissing each other while expressing affection. We don't immediately view as sexual. Up until recently, it was taboo for men to do the same.  Why can't we all express our love and affection without worrying about labels and judging one another?

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Middle aged bigot

While out today, I heard two middle aged me making jokes about homosexuality after one of the accidently brushed up against the other. They were obviously friends, the kind of guys who's wives follow behind them as if they are being lead by an invisible leash.

Master and I make a formidable looking couple. I'm 6'1" with a slightly unruly stache and goatee balancing my shining shaved head. Master is 6'7" man who is now completely shaved. We're rarely antagonistic but for some reason, we snapped at the same time and verbally assaulted the two men who aren't worth the shit from our asses. We both felt like beating the crap out of them.

Why bother, except that we were both offended by their jokes.

We're heading home tomorrow. We decided to drive and take time to relax and be alone together

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Friends Anniversay Party

We're in Seattle this weekend attending our friends anniversary party. There were a few women and maybe 50 leather or rubber clad men. A DJ slaughtered some of my favorite music to turn it into dance music. Ice filled tubs chilled beer and wine at corner of their house. People stood outside the doors smoking cigarettes.  A Christian pastor officiated over the renewal of their vows. I celebrated with my friends for a while before excusing myself.

I wanted to go to Daniel Smith, my favorite art supply dealer to see what is new. Master excused me, opting to stay at the party.

I couldn't understand why it was so important for my friends to have a Christian ceremony. It  seemed to me to be narrow minded and superstitious. "Our God in Heaven?" My friends are both pragmatic scientists who work in the aerospace industry. Do they really believe in a fictional character who sits among the clouds officiating over their lives? I am disappointed in them if they do.

I'm obviously not a Christian. I detest religion. It requires people to behave irrationally. murderously and ... I could go on and on. We are not separate from some personal god. Everything that we comprehend and can never comprehend is god.

Enough of this.

I shopped in the store until a sales associate asked me if he could help me with anything before they turned out the lights. It was long past closing time. They checked my customer information and told me that my purchases would be shipped out on Tuesday. I took the brushes I purchased with me. I think I may have a paint brush fetish. I love buying them and seeing them standing neatly in their brush holders on the shelf in my studio. I used to steal pencils and pens when I was a toddler and through grade school. I had drawers full of them.

I went to a small coffee shop and ordered a plain and simple Latte made with organic low fat milk and took it to a corner table to watch people come and go in the shop. I was in no hurry to go back to the party. I went to a homeless shelter that I knew of a homeless shelter not far from where I was walking under the pretense of using the restroom. I handed the manager an American Express Debit card on my way out. It has been months since the last time I've done anything like that. It's a selfish joy that reminds me that wealth is as more about giving than accumulating.

I sent Master a text telling him that I was going to the hotel then walked 30 blocks to get there.