The Debate

I have a few things on my plate this weekend. One is a creative decision that exposes a little more of my personal life than I feel comfortable with. I'm thinking my time may be better spent working on a site exposing my art rather than my sex life. I might keep this blog and places pictures from my collection of porn with less narrative.

It's a debate that I have with myself from time to time.

 

I have fantasized about being bound and gagged while having a huge snake wrap itself around my body. It would tighten itself around me with every exhalation.  I could hardly control myself when I saw this picture.

All wound up

I don't get real punishment often. One of the worst things that I do that Master has zero tolerance for is attempt to express negativity. It doesn't work for anyone. I think it is my adult version of a temper tantrum that is usually aimed at myself. The second is that anxiety over nothing starts like an internal fire. It starts with a tiny spark and steadily builds until I am consumed in its flames.

If I express negativity, Master will tell me "stop!".  I get one chance to stop, after that, If I continue I am scheduled for a severe punishment after I calm down. If anxiety builds, Master tells me to stop what I am doing and "go walk or run it off!". If I don't IMMEDIATELY do as I am told, Master will IMMEDIATELY make mince meat out of my butt. There is no second chance.

I started t feel anxiety last night. I went to clean the kitchen. I got the dishes put away then started cleaning cabinet doors, counter tops and started to take the pots off the pot rack to dust and clean them. I worked with ever increasing speed, feeling more and more stress.  The clattering disturbed Master.  He stepped inside the kitchen arch and asked me what I was doing.  By that time, my face was red, I was shaking and almost in tears. All that I said was "I can't stand the dirt". Master told me to put my clothes on and get out of the house and take the dogs with you.

Master grabbed me by the neck with his right hand as I tried to pass him. He twisted me around so I was standing with my back to him. He squeezed my neck and covered my mouth and nose with his left hand and began to "choke" and "suffocate" me. I struggled to breath. I don't stand a chance against him. "Boy, this is the worst thing that can happen to you. I can keep this up until you're dead. Nothing is worth the hell you are putting yourself through and I can tell by you're reaction that you're not ready for that.  Fuck boy, the anxiety is going to kill you".

I dressed myself and pulled on a jacket. Master was waiting at the back door for me. He whistled for the dogs and we all went walking. We made the circuit around the fence line and ended up on the Sunrise Deck. Master lit the gas fire and his cigar and sat back in a lounge chair to watch the stars. He reached into his jacket pocket to produce my pipe and handed it to me. I sat on the deck next to Master.  We sat in silence.

Dreaming in Bondage

Have you ever fallen into a sound sleep while in intense bondage?

I bought a really nice straightjacket and sleep sack while visiting London a few years ago.  They are both made of heavy black leather with quilting and padding is all the essential areas.  The straps and buckles are extra wide with locking buckles. They're both lined with blood red buttery-soft calf skin that absorbs my sweat and starts to sling deliciously to my body.   No one has ever been in them beside me.

Master laid the body bag out on the bed and opened it up.  He laced a snug leather hood over my head with nostril openings and a grommet over the mouth. I crawled into the body bag. He tickled me for a few moments then began lacing the bag closed. He buckled the collar.  There is a flap that covers the laces that zips with a heavy black metal zipper. The zipper pull locks into the collar.  Once zipped, Master began to buckle the straps snugly but not too tightly. Master wanted me to sleep in the sack all night. Once strapped in with all the padlocks secured, he crawled into bed beside me and laid his arm across me.

I was too excited to fall asleep. I clearly didn't want to risk waking Master by testing my bonds. I lay quiet listening to him breathe and smelling cigar and the mint from his toothpaste on his breath.

I dozed in and out of sleep. At one point I was having a pleasant dream that caused me to laugh out loud. Master slapped me across the gut and told me to be quiet.  I dozed in and out of sleep a few times then fell into a deep sleep. I had no concept of the time when I sudden awoke from a stressful dream. I didn't know where I was or why everything was so black and why I couldn't move. I felt like I was dreaming a dream from which I couldn't wake. I felt panicked until I finally realized where I was.

It was interesting to be so completely disoriented and so completely bound. I laid awake listening to my heart race and then slowly fall to a slow steady thump that resonated though out my senses until I fell into dreamless sleep.