Lake Como

We stayed at the Albergo Le Due Corti in Como last night.  It's a funky hotel with a little age in the rooms.  It was fairly private.  At least no one complained when Master reddened my back and ass with his belt.  Being beaten without being bound seems harder to take than with bondage.

There was no reason for it other than belated road rage.  I love the feel of his worn leather belt. It wraps around, catching both sides of my hips.  It stings and feel wrong but I've felt it so many times that I am completely comfortable (mentally) with it, not that it matters.  He fucked me several times before we went to sleep. I was raw before he finished.  It took him a very long time to climax the third time. He actually seemed to pass out.

I slept underneath him most of the night and woke up in bedding stained with blood and giz.

I read something on the net called the Nine Levels of Submission. You can find it at: http://ecstasytradingco.com/Lessons/Nine%20Levels%20of%20Submission.htm

I figured out that I was at level 8;
Full-Time live-in consensual slave
Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself as existing solely for the Dom(me)'s pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially of the slave is male. Within the S/M world, a full time "slave" arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.

As I face entering The Chateau, I feel I am at Level 9 at time.  I'd describe it as Consensual Total Slave. I often feel that the goal there is to totally remove my sense of self.  Master takes me there too but then we return to Level 8 where my goal is to please and pleasure him. Apprehension is making me feel queasy.