14 Days of Chastity But who is Really Counting

14 days of 128 Days

It's Saturday and we all doing as little as possible after our celebration yesterday. Tony made a wonderful spread of party food and we chilled a half dozen bottles of Pol Roger. One bottle had gone flat but it was still drinkable.

I was catching some sun by the pool when Master came out to join me. He began to open his belt when he suddenly stopped for a moment then pulled it out of his belt loops.  He told me to get up on the outdoor dining table and hang on to the edges "as if your life depends on it". Had I been able, my cock would have gone full erect but it's steel prison prevented it.

Master used his belt to beat my back side from the base of my neck to the back of my calves. He was slow and deliberate, measuring each stroke for maximum erotic effect and then told me to flip over with my head hanging off the edge of the table. He fucked my throat deeply, holding my neck just above the Adam's apple so that I could not swallow or gag. He fucked me until he nearly came then pulled his cock out of my throat.

While laying on my back, Master beat my front side, paying great attention to my nipples. He reached my abdomen then removed the chastity belt so that he could beat my cock and balls and thighs. He ordered me to "HOLD TIGHT" while he beat the soles of my feet. I started screaming. Not from pain but because I was so close to cumming. "SHUT UP AND HOLD TIGHT OR YOU WILL REGRET IT!"

He threw my legs over his shoulders and began to fuck me, again. He moved very slowly. His face twisted in agony and ecstasy. He shook and he seated. His body gave off a sweet pungent odor. He kissed me, holding his mouth over my mouth and nose and then wrapped both hands around my neck. I tried to cry out again, "Master! I can't hold it! I am going to cum!"

"You best not slave!"

He came inside me then held his gut and sat down in a nearby chair leaving me in a state of frustrated oblivion.

He locked my belt on again. My balls are angrily churning and aching. I am going to be in a state of blue balls and leaking cum that will burn like molten lava.

Bondage the Day Before the Left

One of my favorite Hoods to use on the boy is a hood that Jim Stewart made some time ago. Good heavy thick leather on the outside lined with Garment Leather. No holes except two punched openings at the nostrils. It's a bit small for the boy so it's a struggle to get it on him. I becomes a very tight second skin. He can't move his jaw at all so his mouth is forced closed. I put him in a leather straightjacket. It's black on the outside with kid glove blood red leather on the inside that clings when it get damp from sweat. All the buckles lock. I inverted him. He was wearing chaps and boots.

The boy was in serious shape, hardly able to breath and locked up cock. He'd been wearing the belt for well over a month without getting any relief at all through all of our sessions. I finally took it off. I can't have the boy trying to go through international airports with that thing on him. Not in the East. So I drew my belt from my jeans and let him know I was going to work him over with it. His ass was at a perfect height for a good belting.

I beat his ass to bruising.

I took him down and kept him bound. I bent him over the Australian Punishment Bench and beat his ass some more before I fucked him over and over until I had nothing left and my cock was sore. I wanted to give the boy something to think about during that very long trip to Bhutan.

Just

It is a peaceful day on the hill. Everyone and everything is quiet.

We woke to a tangle in bed. I wore a t-shirt to bed to keep the tiny wounds and the linen clean. It felt like an encumbrance because of the friction against the linen. In case you care, our bedding is entirely linen. It's what I grew up with and it still feels the most comfortable. Our linen is grey and un-pressed,  not at all like the sheets that our housekeeper ironed everyday when I was a child.

I went out riding by myself this afternoon. My big black was nippy. He tried to get me several time. Each time that I scolded him, he seemed to be grinning. We got it all straightened out with a good face to face conversation. I think he was testy because I haven't been personally attending him enough.

The carrara got locked back in place this morning. I have to admit that it felt weird to be without it.

Going home

Master got an unexpected call this morning and left for London.  I decided to go home after visiting a doctor for pain in the middle of the night. My session with the dominatrix did a number on me so I'm supposed to rest up for a week or two.

My flight is supposed to leave for Atlanta in about 60 minutes.  I'm looking forward to the leather, fur and sleeping in my own bed. I'm looking forward to eating in my own kitchen and I'm looking forward to watching movies in English. I'm looking forward to taking pounding waterfall showers in my own bathroom and I'm looking forward to having Sancho waiting for me when I step out to dry myself. I've had enough travel for a good long while. I want to stay home to enjoy my family.

I'm in a wheel chair because it is painful to walk. I'm taking a painkiller the minute I am in the plane and I'm going to sleep all the way to Atlanta.

Paris

We woke and I my first drink of the day as usual. Master frog tied me on a cocktails table and stuck his whole engorged cock up my ass. He brutally fucked me while blocking my breath with a hand over my mouth and nose. I came without permission. It escaped from my body like run away cattle breaking through their pen. Master drew his belt from his jeans and tore into my backside before fucking me again. I felt so grateful that I had difficulty expressing myself to Master.

We stopped at Arches this morning. They were kind enough to give us a short tour of the facility where they make watercolor paper and blocks. We took a plant superintendent for lunch before heading for the insanity of the streets of Paris.

We have a room at the Westin-Vendome with a view of the Eifel Tower. It's in the middle of everything. We walked to Le P'tit Troquet for dinner then came back to the hotel.

Its 3AM and I am all jazzed up after the drive and being cooped up in the car. I'd love to go outside for a walk but it's cold and damp. I guess I'll go back to bed.

Sitting pretty

The house was finally dark and everyone except Master was in bed.  Master took a long steamy shower after tending to the animals.  His cock was so red that it almost glowed. I was laying in bed uncovered with a woody poking up at the ceiling.  Master said that he was going to sleep in a guestroom so he didn't catch my flu.

He saw the silhouette of my cock and then grabbed his, "fuck no!", he said, "It's been too damn long since I fucked you".  He squirted a gob of lube on my cock and sat on it.  He's never done that before, I was shocked!  He fucked himself on my cock and I helped him do it by arching my back so he could feel my full length. I screamed "stop! I'm going to cum!"
"Fuck NO! BOY!  I'm going to milk you of ever drop and then I'm going to fuck you!"
I shot my load and then flipped over with my knees under by chest.  He pounded the hell out of my ass until he finally came. He collapsed at my side and he fell asleep wrapped around me.

I can't sleep now because I've been sleeping for days.

No pictures, No videos

Master is an immensely talented Master and Sadist. I feel that it would be interesting to video and photograph some of our activity.  He said "no" every time that I suggested it. He said it would take his attention away from the nature of our relationship. In addition, he suggests that I drop this blog all together because it apparently does not mean anything to visitors as is evident by the lack of response to my time and work.

We are leaving for Europe on December 2nd so it appears at this time that I will make my last post on the last day of November and that the blog will be deleted on December 1st.  I will maintain the content and continue writing in the form of a diary instead of blog.  It will be added to the writing that will be published as an erotic diary once it is edited.

I invite you to ask questions, make comments or express yourself if this blog has value to you.

The muscles of my right upper back are sore today.  I have been taking an over the counter analgesic all day.  I was in a mood that I rarely feel late yesterday.  I wanted to be left alone with a book and quiet music in my studio.  Master had an opposite desire.  He wanted to tie me tightly in rope and use me for a fuck hole. I never express reluctance much less try to refuse him. This strikes deep at the potency of our Master and slave relationship.  He does as he wishes and I am determined to do as he wishes, without complaint.

Master tied me using Shibari. He suspended me asymmetrically from a beam in the family room. He moved the rope over my skin with great sensuality. My limbs and body were layered in coils of rope that seemed to tighten themselves around my body as if they were Boa Constrictors.  The binding eventually became uncomfortable and then painful. Pain increased when I struggled. He left me hanging for several hours while he sat in his favorite corner of the sofa to read financial journals and magazine. He gagged me with duct tape wrapped over a cloth that he soaked with his piss.  I winced from pain that release from bondage intensified. My body was sore and tired. Most of the pain was relieved after Master gave me a massage that climaxed in deep tissue invasion.  The only pain left is in my upper back.

3 fucking paragraphs

I laid face down on the massage table.  Master strapped my face against the head rest, restrained my hands along the side of my body. He put a bolster under my ankle and used leather restraints to restrain my ankles, spreading them as far from each other as the width of the table allow.  The soles of my feet were vulnerable to bastinado, my ass cheeks were spread wide and my back was willing prey for his ministrations.  Master slipped his belt from his jeans and laid it across my back while he removed his jeans and belt.

He gave me a few warm glances across my back and butt then worked my feet for several minutes.  He dropped his belt on the floor and slowly climbed on top of me, sliding his body along my sweaty backside like a snake, entering my rectum with his cock without hesitation.  He lay upon me, dropping the entire weight of his body.  He spoke dirty nothings into my ear and told me how much he loved me.  He told me that I was his property and that there was nothing I could do about it.  He told me that he was going to fuck the hell out of me and that resistance is futile.

I always thought that being a Borg would be hot and I told him so as he slowly lifted his chest from my body as if doing push-ups.  He moved his cock in and out. He was as impossibly gentle. I clenched my hole tightly around his cock.  In a short time, Master started to shudder and moan and pulled out me. He entered me again, the dropped his entire body on top of mine. He was still. He remained so still that I wondered if he had fallen asleep. I clenched as tightly as I could, causing him to moan. I worked his cock with my sphincters until I felt him harden more.  His body tensed and  he squeezed my hands tight in his. He came, shaking violently.

Breakfast and Newspaper by the fireplace for Master and Christian

Taken from the dungeon. I cleaned up and out. I hoped for breakfast simply because I hadn't eaten in over twenty four hours. The cook set up breakfast on a side table for Master and Christian. Sade was playing softly in the background. The two men put me in a complicated rope hog tie and left me gagged and drooling on the tile floor

The cook cleared away breakfast and brought fresh mugs of coffee touched with Irish Mist to the two men.  They paged through newspapers, completely ignoring the hunk of flesh struggling silently near their feet. They eventually decided to go out for a walk and a cigar, leaving me behind.

I am plain fucked! Barely human and denied by my lust.

Hugs and Cuddles

Today was all hugs and cuddles.  I crawled out from under the quilts and blankets to go outside to tend the animals and clean myself out for Master. He grabbed my hand and pulled me back into the bed and wrapped his arm around.

"We're just hanging out today".

That's the way it goes. I never question him except in business and absolutely never when other people can hear me..

 

Tumblr picture of unknown origin

 

 

Master rolled me in his arms all morning.  I whispered about my gratefulness in belonging to him.

Refelction

Master had fucked me and stopped short of cumming. He pushed a steel ass tunnel into my ass then jacked himself off inside of me. He plugged it before locking my Carrara chastity belt that made pushing the tunnel and plug out impossible.

We watched a movie a few days ago in which the hero had his wrists handcuffed to the chair legs. The bag guys tied his feet to the chair legs then gagged him with a blue bandana that was knotted in the middle. The bad guys started to interrogate him. They started out by slapping him and gradually started slugging him in the chest and gut. They threated him with a large knife and cut him on the chest.  I, in perverse hard cock sarcasm said, "It looks like fun to me".

Master gave me a chance to experience much of the interrogation that the hero in the movie experienced this afternoon,  He had me sit on a bar stool with a tall back on it. He handcuffed my wrists to the back legs, cuffed my ankles to the chair then used a thick brown leather strap to pin my upper body against the back of the chair.  I bounced up and down on the stool as much as I could to try to drive the tunnel deeper into my ass. The experience was pleasurable up to that point.

Christian, our body guard was and interrogation specialist when he was in the army. It wasn't the US army so the things that he did were very different from what he supposedly would not have done in a branch of our military.  Master turned me over to him and sat back in his big brown leather chair, lit a long fat cigar and watched Christian work me over. Christian gagged me with a knotted bandana then secured it by wrapping dust tape around my head several times. He pressed the tape on my face as he stretched it very tightly around and around.  He pinched my nose between his finger and thumb to see if there were any air leaks in the gag. I gasped and struggled before he let me breath.  There were no leaks.

The game was, "TELL ME WHERE YOU HIDE THE GOLD"?  He told me to make it easy on myself by telling him right away. I couldn't answer him if I tried because of the gag job that he did on me. There was no answer to give him but he played dead serious.  He went from being an eagle eyed mild mannered guy to a monster with hatred and malice in his eyes.

He asked me where I hid the gold several times.
I shook my head "no".  He slapped and backhanded me across the face. He obviously held back.
He asked me again.
He slapped and back handed me again and again, each time just a little harder.
He stood back and turned to talk to Master for a few moments than came back to backhand me.
I actually tasted blood.
He slugged me in the chest, first one side then the either.
"WHERE IS THE GOLD"?
He slugged me in the chest again.
I tried to yell but each time I tried to make a noise he pinched my nose closed.

My chastised cock hurt more than anything that he did to me.

He switched gears and pinched the muscles on top of the shoulders.  It hurt, unbearable pain drew involuntary tears. I struggled to get him to stop working those muscles.  I was serious, I wanted him to stop,

He drew his knife from his boot sleeve and touched it's point to the tip of my nose.  He drew the blade against my face as if he was shaving me.

"TELL ME WHERE THE FUCKING GOLD IS NOW!!!!  or I'm going to start cutting you".
He nicked me on the right side of my chest.  A drew a few drops of blood.  He put me in a sleeper hold and pretended to snap my neck.  I passed out from a combination of primal fear and lack of oxygen.

I woke up, still fastened to the chair.  Master laughed "Have you had enough"?  I shook my head "yes".

Master and Christian removed the bindings and the gag. Master unlocked the chastity belt and told me to go in to the bathroom to remove the plug and dump the jiz out of my gut and come to the bedroom.  Christian and Master were both waiting for me with semi-hard cocks waiting for me to stiffen.  Master fucked my head while Christian took my ass.  Master told me to jack-off while they fucked me.  Christian filled my as then Master took over my ass, telling me that he would not stop until I got myself off.  Christian stepped around to my head and softly slapped me and held my nose and mouth closed.  I finally, after weeks of being denied begged Master for permission.

"You damn well better" he said, "Because I can't hold out for ever".  I pumped a screaming load into the air hitting Master in the face. He was pumping and slamming hard as my ass pulsated from cumming.  PERFECTION!

My face was lightly bruised.  I hope the cut on my chest scars.  It's about an inch long.  I rinsed the blood and pre-cum out of my mouth and there is no more blood.  I must have bitten my cheek when Christian hit me.

Impaled

Hey guys,

The slave is bound in a chair with his hands strapped hard behind the chair. I got his wrists pulled down tight to the so his shoulders are pulled back on themselves.  The slave is being fucked with a fuck machine.  It is going on an hour now. He'd be screaming except that he is taped gagged with a pair of my stinking underwear stuffed down his throat. I'm going to take that shit out of mouth and fuck his throat with my cock while he's being fucked up the shit hole with that machine.

It's a good fucking slave who takes my shit day after day and means it when he thanks me for it.

Do you fucking measure up?

People are only interested in pictures

My slave is indisposed today. You're going to have to read this if you fuck-offs are at all interested. You worthless pieces of shit are not worth my slaves time. I am thinking about closing this blog so he does not have to take time from me to do it everyday

If you have the god dam brains to read this let me know if you care.
You can also let me know if you have any ideas for working him over.
The winner might just win a weekend as his stead, if you think you can take it.

Master Ian

Unfinished Business

We started the morning in the Dungeon where we were interrupted the day before. Master strapped me down on the table after he gagged and blindfolded me. I drew his belt from his jeans and gave me three whacks, one on my butt, one across the thighs and the last across my back. He left his belt lay across my back and left me to ponder the coming pain.

As I drifted off into bondage euphoria, I began to think about the handcuffs that he broke the day before and Master's speed and agility. He's a big man who is as likely to move like a Ninja Warrior as he is to move like the Hulk that he appears to be. I thought of actually trying to escape him and how utterly useless it would be. I thought of how happy I am to have him for a Master, best friend and love. I lost my ability to have a logical thought and I drifted deeper into euphoria. I felt my hard cock which he had pulled back between my legs, straining to straighten out in front of me.

My back side was on fire when he finished working me over.  He was nude and his cock rigid and red.  He pulled me down to the bottom of the table and sunk himself inside me. He finished loading my ass then hiked me atop the table again and played with my tits while working my cock until I shot.

We got dressed and walked the horses and a couple of the dog around the ranch. It was like a slow Sunday with nothing to do and no where to go.

Quiet Evening at Home

Bound ankles wrist and pulled up tight against my butt, wrist to elbow behind the back. Ball gagged with added duct tape under a leather hood.  Stuffed in a leather Hogsack and left to sweat.

Hog Sack

 

The Hogsack

 

 

Use it how you wish. A lot of people fold the arms in front but it was intended to be used with the arms folded behind the back. Master Uses it to achieve it's maximum potential. It can be intensely punishing.

 

 

A movie was playing in the background and his cigar smoke swirled around the room.  The movie ended but the release I expected didn't come. Master had fallen asleep.

 

 

Master released me at 3:47 am.  He helped me unfold my limbs and stand.  I went into the kitchen for a tall icy drink of water then crawled in to bed alongside Master. 

Sunny fucking yeah day!

This is fucking paradise! I have everything I could ever want.  A oversexed, over kinked and mean fucking Master who runs my ass, protects me and possesses me. Eight dogs, two Scottish Highland cows, horses, alpaca, llama and fearless attack geese that won't let visitors out of their cars.

I woke up before the sun and went out to clean the barn and then went back in to clean myself for Master's pleasure. He rolled on top of me and drained himself in my mouth then pounded my ass. He slipped a rope around my wrists then held my neck in his magic way that immediately takes my breath away and forces blood into my chastised cock.  He laughed at me when the pain made me groan and then he wrapped his arms around me.

He said, "I own you. Everything you are and everything you have is mine" and the whispers things that I never tell other people about.

The cook made us a decent breakfast that was almost fat and gluten free. Master and I sat in the cool autumn breeze watching the light and how it was filtered through the leaves of the giant oaks that top the hill east of the house. We talked while sipping our coffee. The morning light so moved me that I decided that I had to work in the studio after I spend the morning with the animals. I never got to the studio because I worked outside with the animals all day. Work is always play these days.

Master took my ass again while I showered off the sweat, animal saliva and oils. I had a great day!

Music on the Big Flute

It feels like home.
Master straddled my chest, waking me as he forced his cock into my throat.  I rarely sleep later that he does but because I get up to clean myself out and then go back to bed and wait for him.  I try my hardest to be ready for anything.

He pinned my hands down above my head, as if I would ever struggle to refuse him. (I do sometimes but he knows I'm playing so he can "punish" me).  He came into my mouth and all over my face then eventually slid down over my legs. He held my neck with his left hand and pinched, pulled and bit my nipples until I screamed and then started to laugh at the absurdity of actually wanting the pain. My cock swelled inside my chastity belt, causing more pain.  He laid down on top of me and kissed me.

We once had a prospective slave come to our house to visit.  He said he wanted 24/7 slavery but I doubted him immediately upon meeting him. Master locked us down on our cots in adjoining cells for the night. He's strict about bedtime when locked up. I better fall asleep rapidly or do a damn good  job of faking it. This guy wanted to talk. His questions would have been endless so I broke protocol to first let him know about Master's sleep rules. He asked me how Master punishes me when I disobey him.

"I don't except by accident. Being a slave such as we are is a constant practice. I try to never give him reason to punish me because It breaks my goal as a submissive. You always try to anticipate what he wants out of love and respect.  One thing that you do that might be hard is that you smoke cigarettes. He's not going to allow it. If he catches you, he will throw you out, immediately".

"He smokes cigars". 

"Occasionally, He lets me smoke a cigar or pipe occasionally but if it ever became habitually, he's stop it. Remember, he is the Master. He does as he wants and we do to please him. Anything that a slave does is either by permission or because he expects it."

He asked, "you guys are really tight, is there room for another...".
"I'm not going to talk anymore. You know he can hear everything we say and he can see what we are doing? You should ask him these questions if you feel they are important enough.  By the way, our goal is to please him, not finding cause for punishment. He doesn't play that game."

He lasted less than a week because he was into slavery for what he could get, not for what he could give."

Master is deliciously cruel sometimes.
We went down the street for breakfast. Christian joined us after taking a couple days to himself. I was starving so I ate like a pig.  I wanted fried potatoes but Master ordered me tomatoes. He did let me have bacon though.  We went back to pack for our trip home, said goodbye to anyone who was still in the house and took a taxi to Heathrow.

A Day of Grace

Master unlocked the cell door and let me out.

"You stink! You smell like hell"!

I went upstairs to clean up and out.  I shaved my face and head then climbed into a hot shower.  Master slipped into the shower as the shit ran down the drain. He wrapped his arms around me and held. He kissed me several times then pushed me against the wall.  He entered my ass with his cock and fucked me slowly and gently. He held me with my face buried between his pecs and kissed me over my head and face.  We stood until the steaming shower until the water began turning cool. He dried me and sent we into bed and laid beside me.

"We'll go out for dinner after you get a few hours of good sleep".

I tried to hug him and get him to fool around but he said "It's enough, you've had enough for a couple days".

We went to sleep.

Master and I went to Hawksmoor for a steak then went to Bonds where Master bought cigars and a Peterson Sherlock Holmes pipe for me. We walked a few miles then found a taxi back to the Club House.  We joined a few guys in the lounge where I sat on the floor between Master's knees.  He reached down to wrap his hand around my neck every once in a while.  I'd get a woody in response and then he would take his hands off me.

He eventually took me to bed and fucked me before we went to sleep.

Munich Cellar

I missed writing yesterday.  I should say I am sorry but I'm not.  I was indisposed by a fun little cement room that the owner called Die Duneon der Hölle.

Master setup this meeting the other night when he went to the leather bars.  He met this guy at Bau and went home with him and his slave boi.  We went to meet him at his home the next evening.  He had a hot dungeon with plank patterned cement walls, cell doors with layers of mesh, flat iron and hardware cloth.  He had enough equipment to set up a party for many hot men at one time but the whole dungeon was available to just the four of us.

Master and our host agreed to switch slaves.  Master gave the key to my chastity belt to our host, meaning that anything goes.

He removed my belt and forced my moth open with a open dental gag and restrained my arms behind my back in a heavy set of irons.  He ordered me too my knees then skull fucked me.  He didn't cum but I think he was close because his cock was rock hard and curved upward. I tasted pre-cum on the tip of my tongue when he pulled out.  He removed the restraints then ordered me to climb up on his rack, beating me with a riding crop until I got myself situated.

I had never been stretched on a rack before so I felt scared and excited about all the possibilities that I fantasized about in my perverted past.  The top used leather cuffs and ropes to pull my body so that I was gently stretched.  He asked me a question that I could not answer.  He turned and but on an old SS billed hat and turned to face me again.  He struck me across the chest six times with his riding crop then asked me the question again.  He removed the steel gag and slapped my face from side to side then asked me the question again.  I yelled "I don't know what the fuck you are talking about. He cranked the winch on the rack two clicks. I liked the way it felt. He struck me on the chest with the crop again then asked me the question again.  I couldn't answer him, I didn't know what he was talking about.  He beat my chest, abdomen and thighs with his crop, slapped me in the face and tightened the rack until I screamed at him to stop.

His boi was screaming under the constant impact of Master's belt.  The top who was working me over tied a rope around my ball and threaded it through a pulley that hung above the rack and began hanging weights from it..  He beat me alternating with added weight until I started screaming at him.  Master stopped to watch him work me over.  He kept telling me to tell my tormentor what he wanted to know. I couldn't.  "Master, I don't know the answer!  I don't know what he is talking about!"

My tormentor released the restraints then told me to turn over.  He beat me while I tried to change positions.  "Get the fuck on your knees Sklaven!"  He climbed up, slide a condom over his dick and fucked me. He ordered me to get up.  He grabbed master's collar and used it to drag me into a small cell.  He chained me to the wall by a collar and wrists then locked the door after slamming it.  His slave was chained in the cell next to mine.

The torment and beating began the next morning.  My top got a little carried away because Christian stopped him and talked to him for a moment.  Master asked "you good boy"?  He looked at Christian and nodded.  The top started in again.  He still demanded the answer to his question as he focused on stretching me and tit torture. Master has tormented my tits to such extremes that our host's attentions hardly hurt at all in comparison.  I started feeling like I was floating above myself watching what was happening to me.  The top looked at Master for guidance, he said, "Just fuck him and lock him in a cage. He's done"!

Lake Como

We stayed at the Albergo Le Due Corti in Como last night.  It's a funky hotel with a little age in the rooms.  It was fairly private.  At least no one complained when Master reddened my back and ass with his belt.  Being beaten without being bound seems harder to take than with bondage.

There was no reason for it other than belated road rage.  I love the feel of his worn leather belt. It wraps around, catching both sides of my hips.  It stings and feel wrong but I've felt it so many times that I am completely comfortable (mentally) with it, not that it matters.  He fucked me several times before we went to sleep. I was raw before he finished.  It took him a very long time to climax the third time. He actually seemed to pass out.

I slept underneath him most of the night and woke up in bedding stained with blood and giz.

I read something on the net called the Nine Levels of Submission. You can find it at: http://ecstasytradingco.com/Lessons/Nine%20Levels%20of%20Submission.htm

I figured out that I was at level 8;
Full-Time live-in consensual slave
Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself as existing solely for the Dom(me)'s pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially of the slave is male. Within the S/M world, a full time "slave" arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.

As I face entering The Chateau, I feel I am at Level 9 at time.  I'd describe it as Consensual Total Slave. I often feel that the goal there is to totally remove my sense of self.  Master takes me there too but then we return to Level 8 where my goal is to please and pleasure him. Apprehension is making me feel queasy.