It's Been a Long Time (or So it Seems)

Master saw this picture on my New Year posting.

I can't get the tumblr address for a proper link.

 

 

He grabbed me from behind, catching my neck in the fold of his elbow and held me while he handcuffed my hands behind my back. He strung me up exactly how it is depicted in the picture. He gagged me with a ball gag, wrapping duct tape over and around my head then left me alone.

 

 

Master came back later, holding his twelve foot bullwhip. He threw it out on the floor between us. Without a word, he took several practice shots and then stepped forward to take a shot that wrapped around my right side. The knot landed on my back. The whole experience was aimed at my chest, thighs and wrapping around my sides. I had no choice but to take it. Limits are long gone. I feared each stroke but never feeling at risk od being hurt (damaged). Only one man has wrapped me with a whip and we never played after that.

 

 

Master removed the gag. It wasn't necessary anyway. I don't scream and cry out when being whipped because I am flying so high with Endorphins that it looks like I am comatose. I reached the magical moment when I started to have an orgasm. I fought it off and then, I felt a surge shooting through my entire body. My cock was painfully hard. I held it as long as I could before I spewed gobs of cum across the floor between us.

 

Master gave me a few sips of water then snapped a pair of clamps on my tits and left me. I hung exhausted in the restraints, waiting for what ever he planned to do next.

 

________________________________________

 

 

BTW: Everyone on the ranch has quit smoking. We are using Vapes instead.  Master, Christopher and Butch are using juice with nicotine in it. I am using nicotine free. It's a fun sort of hobby and a satisfying thing to do. The nicotine addicted guys are gradually cutting back to zero nicotine. 

 

The reindeer are settling in. We opened the gates separating the animals to allow them to mingle and check each other out. The biggest problem is with the Llama. The big guy is very territorial and fearless so when the reindeer got near the alpaca, he charged at them. 



Just thinking

I'm guessing that most bottoms and slaves fantasize about someone slightly older, definitely stronger and larger, as well as ruthlessly demanding to dominate them. I know that is what I fantasized about when I went out on the prowl. I never dismissed someone because they were smaller or younger because it did nothing for me but limit my experiences.

I once bumped into a guy that I would consider tiny. I'm 6'1" and he was less that 5'6". His fantasies were opposite of mine. He like to dominate bigger guys, especially guys my height of taller. I wondered if it was because he had some sort of size envy or was teased for being a small guy. He talked me into going home with him one night. He handcuffed my hands behind my back and enforced his commands with an electric baton that he bought at The Spy Store. One brush with that toy told me that he wasn't messing around. He was not afraid of causing another guy pain and as it turned out, he was ruthlessly creative.

As I got to know him, I learned that he had a black belt in several martial art forms. Not only that, he could move like a monkey to dominate his opponents. We got to be close and he referred to me as "his boy", especially at parties or bars.

When I answered Master's ad looking for men to treat as objects, I gave no credence for to my fantasies concerning age or strength. I answered it because unless he was a bull shitter, he was ruthlessly demanding. He was looking for a pain pig to keep in bondage. I was emotionally at a loss in my life and looking for someone to give me a thrill. I definitely wasn't looking for what I found.
He is slightly older, much larger and stronger and frighteningly (at times) demanding.

Sometimes I wonder at my good fortune, especially now that we've gotten to know and trust each other. We've come a long way since the days in his dungeon when I was left alone on the floor wrapped in a straightjacket, blindfolded and gagged with duct tape with a three foot chain attaching my collar to the floor. I lay, seemingly ignored for days, in the mess that I had no choice in making.
He beat my ass brutally for making the mess after I had been forced to clean it. Oddly enough, it was never enough. The longer he kept me prisoner, the more I could see into his heart and like what I
knew of him.

Master encourages me in everything that I do unless it is pure folly. He keeps hold of my leash which is often too long and he is endlessly kind but still, his ownership is obvious in the way that he controls me. "Das Es" as Freud called it, sometimes longs for more of what happened in our first thirty days of being Owner and object. The problem is that I think we passed our ability to more than entertain it in play for more than a few days. It would not be possible to function as a useful member of society without exploring a more constructive purpose, especially given the dreams that we are building on together.

 

This photo is from ropestopbay. It is not me.
Master loves this position. He keeps me in it for long periods of time.
He can actually carry me around when I am frog tied.
It becomes painful.

Who knows, maybe he will put me in a straightjacket and chain me to the floor again sometime in the future and maybe he will find strength to leave me there longer. It would be more demoralizing for me now that I have so much that I love doing everyday. Maybe I am just full of egotistical bull shit.

Waiting Slave

Sitting on a cold stone floor.
Wrists handcuffed to a bolt above the head.
Ankles weighted with leg irons.
Blindfold.
Silence except for the jingling of chain
and a clock measuring the minutes that turn to hours.
No one hears the beating heart.

Outdoor Bondage

It was a decent day outside.

I dressed in the Carrara Chastity Belt with a locking butt plug under it. The rear strap from the belt forced the plug deeper than it was normally. I wore faded jeans T-shirt and my Wellies under my green Carhardt work jacket. Master locked my wrists behind my back in handcuffs and leg irons around my boots.






Master stuffed a few toys into his jacket pockets and then walked me up to the top of the hill where he told me to lay on my chest. He hog tied me with the cuff chains, gagged me with a ball gag with duct tape securely wound over it and around my head several time. He used an old rage to blindfold me then secured that in place with tape. He gave me a booted nudge and told me that he would see me at sundown then walked down the hill toward home.

There was no need to struggle so I didn't bother. I was securely bound and left where no one could see or hear me. I decided to lay quietly and let my mind wander where ever it wanted to take me. It wasn't long before I heard Sancho an Panza huffing and puffing up the hill towards. They greeted me with their tongues and laid down on either side of me quietly panting.

I've been thinking about tattoos. I think massive body jobs are hot when they are well thought out and executed. I've been thinking about getting a pair of Great Blue Herons on my back. In most cultures they signify, elegance, grace, patience and enduring persistence. I'd like a full body "shirt" done with them as the focal point. I'm still thinking about that.

I wonder at guys who get tattoos scattered over the body that seem disconnected and lacking unity. I also think tattoos on the neck can be extremely sexy and I wonder how people, especially people like bankers, layers, doctors, etcetera go through life doing there work and how people perceive them.

The dogs started to wrap themselves around me, almost laying on top of me. Sancho started licking my wrists and hands.

It was well after dark before Master came to get. He unshackled my ankles and then cut through the crotch of my jeans, unlocked the Carrara and removed the plug. He fucked me and then took me down the hill toward home. He fucked me again in the bedroom before I cleaned up for dinner and then again when we went to bed.

Master position himself on his back with his arms and legs stretched spread eagle. I crawled in from the foot of the bed and started to like his cock. He moaned and the reached down to pull me up into his arms, wrapping me tightly in his embrace.

 

 

Don't you be very long

 

 

Do you ever wish someone would leave you like this?

 

 

 

I found this on tumblr, I think. In real life, this sort of thing happens to me a lot. My relationship with Master started this way. A month of being an object.  Before we started he said that he would keep me for as long as he felt like using me. He said he'd throw me out on the street when he got tired of me. He said it might be and hour or it might be the rest of my fucking life.  He left me for days when I was completely isolated and bound. (I didn't know he was watching me on a camera that he had access to on all of his electronic devices.)

 

He threw me out one day without an explanation. He simply vanished, sold his New York house, terminated his phone service, sold his cars and cycle and left no word. It was like he never existed. I did the same and moved to the ranch that my Great Uncle Clarence left me. Months later he called and said he was in the city and wanted to take me out for dinner.

 

"Sorry Dude, not unless you're in Northern California."

 

He came driving up the road the next afternoon.

 

 

 

The following is just a fun fantasy from
one of my favorite people on the web.

 

 

 



Stupid

I should have learned months ago not to comment on kinks that I think are stupid.  It's personal choice more than judgment anyway.

Master forced me to wear a diaper yesterday.  I felt about as sexy as a fish filet. I followed Master's instructions to put myself in inescapable self bondage.  I happen to like self-bondage, especially with people around to rescue me when I can't get out, which is my intent in the first place.

I started by standing in front of a full length mirror.  My genitals were already locked in chastity along with a large plug stuffed deep in my ass so there was nothing to be done there.  I took a red bandana to start gagging myself as Master does.  Feed a point of the square into the back of the mouth.  Careful fold the bandana in layers as you continue to stuff you mouth with. Take another bandana and tie a tight knot in the middle. Push it between your teeth and tie it tightly at the base of you skull.  It is already nearly impossible to make a sound.  If your try to scream the gag seems to expand.  Now take three six inch lengths of good sticky duct tape and a length that will wrap entirely around your head. Wrap the long piece around your head, making sure that you press the adhesive firmly onto your face while pulling the length as tightly as possible.  Take the first six inch piece and place horizontally across the mouth just under the nose. Over lap that with the second piece. The third piece should be under your chin over lapping the second piece.

Doe you think that is enough?

Rip four more eight inch pieces of tape from the role. Take one strip and place it vertically along side the nose.  The top should start just below the orbit of your eye and extend under the chin. Over lap the second piece, making sure everything is firmly adhered to the lower strip.  Do the same to the other side. To finish, take a long piece of tape from the role. About three feet. Start under the chin, tightly pull the tape over the head just behind the crown.  Remember to pull it tightly as if you're trying to stretch the tape. Is everything tight and is all the tape stuck firmly with bunching or gaps?

Gagging yourself slowly with intention can be very erotic.  Don't do this unless someone is around to rescue you from your cock brain.

At this point, I pinioned my legs by locking heavy iron restraints on them with no chain between them.  I used a padlock to connect the two cuffs.  Before I locked my wrists in the irons hanging above my head, I laced a tight fitting leather hood over my head with only a half inch diameter hole over the mouth. The hood was made for me when I played forced cigar smoking with a stogie chomping daddy that I know. Once I screwed the irons around my wrists, I dropped the key to the floor. It hit my foot as it bounced.

I was stuck. I could easily lose my balanced and totally fucked, waiting for Master to do whatever he wanted to do.

I've done this bondage to myself without a spotter but I didn't gag myself under the hood and I held the key to the irons by a leather loop so that I had a way out.

I like being bound this way because my chest, genitals, back and ass are usually exposed. I one did it in the great room while Master was in the office working.  I clamped my tits with Japanese Clover Clamps that are weighted with a half pound lead fishing weight on each side.  He was too busy to play so he felt me.  The tit clamps causes pain until My tits when endorphin numb.  They woke up again when I started getting bored.  I moaned through my ball gag to get Master's attention.  He yelled "quiet down out there"!  The pain became more and more unbearable with the passing hours. Tears ran from my eyes then I started to beg shrilly, "Master! Please I can't take this anymore".  He looked at my tits then told me there was nothing wrong and to quiet down until he was finished for the day".

It was after dark before he released me. He smacked me on both tits with his hand the locked me in the bedroom cage until the next day because he was in the mood to be by himself with a good book and a cigar.

I enjoy it when he says "NO"! Being denied makes me hungry as hell to be his.

Self-Bondage for Master's Amusement.

I cleaned myself out and went out to clean in the barn with Dan then crawled back in bed where Master was still sleeping.  I put my arm over his chest and laid there watching his chest expand with each breathe until I fell asleep again with my face in his arm pit.  He smelled of healthy sweat and cigar.

I woke when he lifted my ass in the air and began squirting lube into my hole.  He slipped his cock inside of me and slid in and out.  He was impossibly gentle.  My head swam in ecstasy and chills run u and down my spine as he kissed my back, neck and ears. I came without control or warning.  The orgasm rocked me, making me feel like I would pass out. Master exploded, washing my entire gut with his seed.  He groaned as he shot. He continued to fuck me until he came a second time.

After taking a shower together, I dried Master and then myself. He had thrown my Groethal chastity belt with the butt plug on the bed.  He fastened it and then handed me one of the diapers that he bought the day before.

"I want you to put this on and then go to the playroom and lock yourself in bondage that you can't escape from.  Gag yourself and put some sort of blinder on.  If I don't think you did a good enough job, I will punish you then rebind you.  If I like the job, I will tighten things up and leave you without punishing you".

It's been a few days.

I woke in the dungeon Sunday morning.  My ankles were chained together and to a ring in the wall. The chain traveled up to my collar with my wrists fastened to irons at about my lower ribs. I had a pillow under my head.  I realized that I was hugging the heavy chain as if it was a teddy bear.

Master and I have been together fulltime for nearly a year so it was a time to reflect on the and build goals for the future. Being submissive and dominant in the Master/slave lifestyle is not as simple as it seems in fiction.  But let me back up, being together was easy but building the relationship had it's fits and starts. We talked about the things I did not want before my month as his object and told him that I would submit willingly and completely to what he wanted. I promised to never complain, question him or ask for anything and I didn't.  I kept my promise. That was the basis of everything that followed, including events like the beating that he gave me last week. It was particularly rough and vicious but I've got to tell you that any time that he pulls that belt out, I am complete turned on and in a state of pre-cum drooling arousal and he knows it. He must have felt uncomfortable because he wanted to talk about it. I said, "did you notice that I came while you beat me"?

We dropped our roles for the afternoon.  Master became Ian and I became Trace. We walked our horses out to one of the stands of Eucalyptus and settled in the shade and talked. Master smoked a cigar and I lit my favorite Mario Grande pipe. We never seem to be able to hold a decent conversation because I end up moving close to him and he holds me so tight that I can hardly breath. I slide down to unbutton his jeans and take his cock into my throat until he decides to fuck me. It was exactly what happened. that afternoon.

I am happy with our relationship now that neither of us is afraid of committing to each other so I didn't see a reason to get involved with things I like or dislike and I asked him to do what he wanted. I think living the way we do helps us find balance and avoid guilt.  We play with other people but he keeps the keys.

Master re-lit his cigar and I filled my pipe again.  We spent a casual evening.  He gave me couch time and held my head while I lay on the sofa watching a movie.  My left ear was on his upper leg over his femoral artery so I could hear his heart beat.  We went to sleep together.

I walk in my sleep sometimes. I slipped out of bed while deep asleep and went outdoors and started walking down the drive toward the road.  I was naked and barefoot.  Christian caught me and brought me back to the house and woke Master. They strapped me into a straightjacket, wrapped tape around my mouth and chained my feet.  That is the way I spent the rest of the night.

Unfinished Business

We started the morning in the Dungeon where we were interrupted the day before. Master strapped me down on the table after he gagged and blindfolded me. I drew his belt from his jeans and gave me three whacks, one on my butt, one across the thighs and the last across my back. He left his belt lay across my back and left me to ponder the coming pain.

As I drifted off into bondage euphoria, I began to think about the handcuffs that he broke the day before and Master's speed and agility. He's a big man who is as likely to move like a Ninja Warrior as he is to move like the Hulk that he appears to be. I thought of actually trying to escape him and how utterly useless it would be. I thought of how happy I am to have him for a Master, best friend and love. I lost my ability to have a logical thought and I drifted deeper into euphoria. I felt my hard cock which he had pulled back between my legs, straining to straighten out in front of me.

My back side was on fire when he finished working me over.  He was nude and his cock rigid and red.  He pulled me down to the bottom of the table and sunk himself inside me. He finished loading my ass then hiked me atop the table again and played with my tits while working my cock until I shot.

We got dressed and walked the horses and a couple of the dog around the ranch. It was like a slow Sunday with nothing to do and no where to go.

County Sheriff's visit.

I was strapped down on the spanking bench when all of the dogs started furiously barking. Master left me to see what the commotion was all about.  Two Sheriff's Deputies were at the front door of the house pounding on the door.  They asked to see me. 

The two deputies had handcuffed Master before he led them to the playroom.  They were shocked by seeing me strapped on the table by a dozen or so heavy brown straps and a ball gag in my mouth. One of the deputies held Master by the arm and the other removed the ball gag and started to undue the straps.  I protested and yelled "What the hell are you doing here and how id you get past the gate"? Before they answered, I laughed "You guys realize that he can break those cuffs and kill you very easily". I laughed again, "Master, you sure look cute in handcuffs".

Someone, I think a guy who came to play at being a slave that Master sent away called the authorities to make trouble. (He was trouble from the start.)

They asked me if I was okay.  "No, not really." They looked at each other. "We were about to have some fun before you interrupted us".

They continued interviewing me after another pair of officers came to take charge of Master. I walked two of the deputies up to the house. I was as naked as I was when I walked down to the "dungeon". The dogs followed in a cloud of white fur. Sancho stayed at my side. Hector stayed with Master to protect him. He's a monster of a Great Pyrenees who would give his life to protect us, especially Master. 

Christian was in town for the evening.

I had to convince the deputies that what they walked in on was a consensual activity.  I am the owner of the property. I have two full-time care takers and a cook that lives in town and that I have a body guard who has the evening off. I had to convince them that I am not held captive and that you can often see me alone in town at community activities. They asked me if I knew what Stockholm Syndrome is.  I answered yes and I told them that I certainly wasn't suffering from that.  The whole conversation was foolish as far as I was concerned. "Lets end this now", I said.  I made two phone calls.  I interrupted Christian's evening and asked him to come home then called my San Francisco Attorney to tell them of what he knows of my lifestyle with Ian. I handed the phone to the deputy.

Christian rushed home. He entered the house with his hand on his gun and looked at me.  I shook my head. The deputies were ready to jump him.  Christian demanded to see their badges and called 911 to see if they had actually sent deputies to the house. The legality of the gun, Christians position with us and all the legal crap went down quickly. Christian went to my bedroom to get a robe for me and we all walked down to the dungeon to make sure Ian was alright. He was still cuffed but he and the two deputies were laughing.

"Master, show them how you can break the cuffs". He looked at the deputies and within a second broke the cuffs and reached into his pocket for a handcuff key and removed the separated cuffs. He handed them to the deputy and told them he'd pay for new ones. The deputies apologized but I stopped them and reminded them about the mass Milwaukee murderer, Jeffrey Dahmer. The police stopped a kid that he was chasing and convinced him that it was consensual play.  He took the guy home and killed him, chopped him up and stuffed him in his freezer. "Better safe than sorry".

We made a few new friends.

"Master, that was more fun that getting my ass beaten".

Music on the Big Flute

It feels like home.
Master straddled my chest, waking me as he forced his cock into my throat.  I rarely sleep later that he does but because I get up to clean myself out and then go back to bed and wait for him.  I try my hardest to be ready for anything.

He pinned my hands down above my head, as if I would ever struggle to refuse him. (I do sometimes but he knows I'm playing so he can "punish" me).  He came into my mouth and all over my face then eventually slid down over my legs. He held my neck with his left hand and pinched, pulled and bit my nipples until I screamed and then started to laugh at the absurdity of actually wanting the pain. My cock swelled inside my chastity belt, causing more pain.  He laid down on top of me and kissed me.

We once had a prospective slave come to our house to visit.  He said he wanted 24/7 slavery but I doubted him immediately upon meeting him. Master locked us down on our cots in adjoining cells for the night. He's strict about bedtime when locked up. I better fall asleep rapidly or do a damn good  job of faking it. This guy wanted to talk. His questions would have been endless so I broke protocol to first let him know about Master's sleep rules. He asked me how Master punishes me when I disobey him.

"I don't except by accident. Being a slave such as we are is a constant practice. I try to never give him reason to punish me because It breaks my goal as a submissive. You always try to anticipate what he wants out of love and respect.  One thing that you do that might be hard is that you smoke cigarettes. He's not going to allow it. If he catches you, he will throw you out, immediately".

"He smokes cigars". 

"Occasionally, He lets me smoke a cigar or pipe occasionally but if it ever became habitually, he's stop it. Remember, he is the Master. He does as he wants and we do to please him. Anything that a slave does is either by permission or because he expects it."

He asked, "you guys are really tight, is there room for another...".
"I'm not going to talk anymore. You know he can hear everything we say and he can see what we are doing? You should ask him these questions if you feel they are important enough.  By the way, our goal is to please him, not finding cause for punishment. He doesn't play that game."

He lasted less than a week because he was into slavery for what he could get, not for what he could give."

Master is deliciously cruel sometimes.
We went down the street for breakfast. Christian joined us after taking a couple days to himself. I was starving so I ate like a pig.  I wanted fried potatoes but Master ordered me tomatoes. He did let me have bacon though.  We went back to pack for our trip home, said goodbye to anyone who was still in the house and took a taxi to Heathrow.

I was all tied up.

The simplest things can be the most agonizing.

There is a lot of talks about "Objectification" on blogs lately.  I must admit that I like the idea myself.  I hadn't really thought about it much but many time, I think Master treats me as an object. He dispassionately uses me then stuffs me away someplace or ties me up where he can see me struggle to find relief from a stressful position.

Not long ago, on our last trip to London. Master had a stainless steel head harness made to fit my head perfectly. Besides gagging me, it fits to perfectly to keep me from opening my mouth. He couldn't wait to get the thing. He slid that thing over my head and locked it.  He said "I love you but sometimes I love you more when you're gagged".  I seemed to have seen that as a caption of some Tumblr blog.

Rigid things on my head freak me out. I even have to combat panic when I put my motorcycle helmet on. I wore that steel head harness for days except for meals simply because he knows I hate it and he gets off knowing when I hate something that he does to me.

Night before last, Master tied Shibari wrist restraints on both arms then threw the free end of the rafters in the second floor lounge.  He pulled my arms up and apart so that I could barely stand. He strapped a rubber ball gag in my mouth and left me there in the middle of the lounge. The guys totally ignored me.  I felt like a piece of statuary that they didn't notice or care about anymore. I spent the night, yesterday and most of last night that way with no physical contact. I am completely exhausted and my shoulders ache.

A bit earlier in the day before he tied me he told me that I had enough play for a few days. He changed his mind quickly.

Sometimes I am Masters object, sometimes I am his prized procession, sometimes I am the love of his life. I rarely know where his moods will lead me.

Am I an object?

Tie me up and gang bang me

It's just never enough, even when it feels like too much at the time.

This fucking tube on my shaft really hurts today!  Master opened it and saw nothing that concerned him. Walking down the street to the pub for lunch was almost unbearable.  I couldn't sit still.  Master relented and handed me his key and told me to go to the restroom and take it off.

It was dinner time and eight guys were in the Club House.  The Club House is an old industrial building that was rebuilt inside.  It's obviously not in the best neighborhood and it's virtually a dead zone at night.  The first floor has a kitchen and lounge area upfront and a dungeon in the back.
The top floor is private bedrooms for each of the original members and another lounge that runs down the middle length of the building.  The guys mostly hang out there,  The cellar houses the mechanicals, the mean toys and a row of cells.  Two of the cells have solid walls and solid wood doors, three are steel bars, one is padded with heavily stained canvas floors, walls and ceiling.  Some have cots, some have bar floors.  One small room has a cage in the center and is supposedly completely soundproof with speakers in the corners near the ceiling that pump music or white noise into the room.  I've spent a couple nights in the cage the first time I visited.

These guys get nuts when they are together.  They've been friends since their early teens when they first shaved their heads, bleached their jeans and terrorized the neighborhood with their baseball bats. At that time they called gays faggots and often targeted them.  The odd thing about that was that to become a member of the group everyone had to take it up the ass as a rite of initiation.  Everyone of them have fucked by everyone in the group.  I'd been inducted for over a year and I've been fucked by all 12 mates.  I was allowed in because Ian is my Master.  I haven't fucked anyone except another slave who lives in the Club House.

Too much information but I have to add, some are gaymembers, some have families and all are successful businessmen and professionals.  They are all still boys when they get together.

Master tied my wrists to my ankles so that I was on my knees with my ass in the air,  He gaged me with layers of duct tape then he picked me up and set me on a cocktail table that is in the center of the upstairs lounge. The guys, all eight of them beat my ass and fucked me. It went on all night.

It was hot and exciting at first but became painful beyond fun quickly.  I hated it by the time Master released me but I'd like to do it again sometimes.  As I said; It's just never enough, even when it feels like too much at the time.

John Cena

I saw a movie that had a big brother character played by John Cena.  My hear throbbed along with one of my appendages. Cena wasn't very good in the movie but he reminded me of Master except in height.  I think Master is taller but they have the same monster build.  It's no wonder that I was smitten with Master the first time that I saw him in that cigar bar in New York.



We went out to the bars last night.  A huge shiny really black man was there with his pale white boy on a steel chain lease  The slave was held on his knees for more of the time we were in the bar.  His Master held him by his hair.  Master held me by my neck as if he was threatening to strangle me.  I was in agony while feeling privileged to be at his side.  I think the two Masters were holding a silent competition while they talked about their slaves.  Master opened my jeans and pulled my stainless steel wrapped cock out for display.  My cock was entombed in a shaft tube that was lined with steel screws that burrowed into my flesh.  He could adjust the screws to dig deep or just tease the surface. He could also replace the nubby screws with pointed screws if he really wanted to torture me.

The Black Master invited us to his home for play and dinner for tonight but we already hand tickets for London.

We're in the Club House for tonight with Master's Mates.  Master and his mates are just fucking around while I'm sitting in the corner writing this.

Lake Como

We stayed at the Albergo Le Due Corti in Como last night.  It's a funky hotel with a little age in the rooms.  It was fairly private.  At least no one complained when Master reddened my back and ass with his belt.  Being beaten without being bound seems harder to take than with bondage.

There was no reason for it other than belated road rage.  I love the feel of his worn leather belt. It wraps around, catching both sides of my hips.  It stings and feel wrong but I've felt it so many times that I am completely comfortable (mentally) with it, not that it matters.  He fucked me several times before we went to sleep. I was raw before he finished.  It took him a very long time to climax the third time. He actually seemed to pass out.

I slept underneath him most of the night and woke up in bedding stained with blood and giz.

I read something on the net called the Nine Levels of Submission. You can find it at: http://ecstasytradingco.com/Lessons/Nine%20Levels%20of%20Submission.htm

I figured out that I was at level 8;
Full-Time live-in consensual slave
Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself as existing solely for the Dom(me)'s pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially of the slave is male. Within the S/M world, a full time "slave" arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.

As I face entering The Chateau, I feel I am at Level 9 at time.  I'd describe it as Consensual Total Slave. I often feel that the goal there is to totally remove my sense of self.  Master takes me there too but then we return to Level 8 where my goal is to please and pleasure him. Apprehension is making me feel queasy.

The Body Guard

My body guard's name his Christian.  There, now I don't have to call him my "body guard" anymore. Even though he is technically an employee, I am ordered to call him "Sir".  There are two reasons for that.  The first is that Master ordered it, the second is that he is employed through the Chateau.

So far, Christian has been silent in most things and seems to just be going on our ride.  His only input besides his constant presence was yesterday when he kept me from escaping bondage by tightening the upper arm belt. Nothing in my life seems to have the expected social norm.  I'm aware of some awkward resistance popping up within myself, especially about the lack of privacy that I should have as an adult. I've rarely been totally alone, ever!

We rented a car in Florence to make the trip to Munich. We're taking a few days to take in the countryside before going to The Chateau. I'm apprehensive about it because once there I will become a prisoner outside of Master's control, while he does whatever Masters due there. I expect to be heavily restrained in darkness, possibly in complete isolation.  I'll be punished for no reason and tormented without passion. The strangest thing is that I won't know where I am.  I've never seen the outside because I am always hooded in the van or car.

For now, I'm relaxing as we drive through the Alps and enjoying a few good meals on the way.

Once I'm in the Chateau there will be no additions to my blog until we leave.

Losing a chunk of my life

I lost everything that I have written over the past year when I dropped my external hard drive on the floor.  It feels like I lost a big chunk of my life. I'm trying to recover the data on my own before sending it to a lab that said they charge $3000.  I just have to think of it as keeping a child from dying.  It was stupid to not have it backed up on the cloud and another drive.

We're staying in a hotel again.

Master hired a "body guard" though Die Schloss unknown.  I expected that he would be a big shaved head man like Master but Master chose a thin bearded dark haired man, He is licensed to carry a concealed weapon in most US stated and counties of Europe. He is a trained Martial Arts practitioner with the eyes of an eagle. He's kinky and no-nonsense as one from the Die Schloss is expected to be.

I'm still not convinced that I need a body guard but I guess I can look at the whole situation as having another companion in my life.  I grew up with it so I can get accustomed to it again.

Tenzin Gyatso, His Holiness the Dalai Lama said  "True compassion is not just an emotional response but a firm commitment founded on reason".  A yoga instructor that I found on the web said "we don't know what internal hell a person is facing so BE KIND".

I live a kinky life in which I submit to Master's rule over me.  It often includes pain, bondage and submission to his desires,  He protects me, cares for me and pushes me to do things in other parts of my life that I might not do on my own. He has hurt me once in an emotional way because he could not explain the internal fight when dealing with his Mother's death and shrinking family.  The pain went away when he came home to me and let me yell at him in our one and only argument. I learned that compassion often needs to be expressed, even when we don't understand the plight of another.

We're in Italy.  We haven't played, other than fucking, for going on the fourth day.

Most people think of art, architecture, great cities, vineyards and pasta when thinking of Italy.  I think of olives and orchards of trees, black truffles and house table wines.  It all forces me to humiliate myself while trying to communicate in a language that I don't know.  I just laugh at myself when I can't communicate.  I smile and touch people more when I am in Europe than when I am at home.