We were watching television last night. It was and investigation/TruTv type show about people manipulating other people. There was on family that was being haunter by Scientologist and another about a Crazy Bastard scripture quoting mad man who held his family along with another entire family in his manipulative grasp.
The crazy guy beat everyone with a belt and when his two eldest sons came of age and were strong enough, they became the disciplinarians. The family was beaten relentlessly. He demeaned the other adult male relentlessly until he was nothing more than a frightened puppet.
He treated everyone like slaves. They all did exactly what he ordered for fear of retribution. He destroyed the relationship of the husband and wife by manipulation. He often starved family members as a way of punishment. He made the wife stand facing into a closet for hours and days, withholding food and water. She became skin and bone and very weak, physically and mentally.
Once the police and legal system broke up the families, the crazy guy was found guilty of many crimes, including sexually molesting all the females in the household beside hideous abuse and manipulation, keeping people prisoners and many other crimes. He was sentenced to 180 years in prison.
So, as usual, when we expose ourselves to stories about manipulation and forced submission, we have a discussion about our lives and the entire kink lifestyle. It's hard not to compare, although in our lives, the activities are consensual. Though the experience can seem brutal at times, we are always concerned about mutual pleasure and more so, psychological health.
There was a moment during the first three days that Ian and I reconnected. It had been over seven months since he kept me as an object for thirty day in the attic dungeon of his NYC Brownstone. His housekeeper let me out of bondage and told me that Ian had to leave suddenly. He left nothing behind for me and his housekeeper would not give me any information. Ian disappeared, sold the Brownstone and everything in it. I tried to find some explanation but couldn't find anything. I fell into a depressed state for a while. That's when my great uncle died, leaving me everything.
Frankly, I wasn't over Ian and I wasn't over the feeling of abandonment. I knew from the beginning that he promised that our time together could and would not lead to anything but I had fallen hard for him and what he was able to give me. So when he "hunted" me down and came to visit, my obsession was immediately rekindled. However, I did not trust myself or him.
On the third evening together, I asked Ian how long he planned to stay.
"Forever, if you will have me."
I was shocked and then grew angry at his presumption.
"Oh? This after the disappearing without a trace act?"
I an tried to explain what happened but we both grew so emotional that he couldn't finish.
"Enough Ian. Where do we restart this relationship?"
We ended the conversation while sitting on the edge of my sex-free-zone bed. Ian said, "I want you, I want to keep you forever, I want to enslave you, keep you prisoner, make you an object, manipulate you, squeeze you in my arms until you melt and keep you as the most precious thing that anyone can possibly own."
It seems flippant to say "you were lucky" because I'm not sure I believe in luck, I go with predetermination more than than luck but I'm not altogether sure about that either. I suppose the best way is to think things are as things are. We enjoy them, try to change what we don't like and live with what we have.
ReplyDeleteI think from your writing that you and Ian were two halves that made a whole when you met and had to eventually fulfil that role.
As for the mad religious bigots, the world's full of them one way or another, Can't think of many wars that don't include religion as a starter.