It was a cloudy and rainy afternoon. There are no complaints coming from here. We haven't had enough precipitation this winter. I had to get out of the house so I put on some rain gear and went riding. I towel dried my horse and then brushed him down. He has a ticklish spot at the base of his mane. It was funny to see him stop his left read hoof when I brushed it. He seemed to enjoy it.
Master went out early this morning. He hasn't returned yet so I've spent most of my day in the studio painting on canvas.
I decided after watching The Arrow on Netflix that I want to concentrate more on self defense and martial arts. I think that part of why I am submissive is that I don't have a sense of confidence in my physical prowess. It might come from being "taken care of" all my life. I want to feel a little of what I see in this Netflix series, like being muscular instead of skinny and have the ability to do pull-ups while jumping the pull-up bar to the next higher level. It seems dangerous and sexy to me.
Christian had some of the qualities hat I admire. He's quiet, confident and he can tear up just about any one who crosses him or threatens his client.
I like the idea of Archery as a Martial Art. I practice Akido but haven't connected it to self defense as I should. The whole practice is based on care for the attacker.
I took Archery to fill a P.E. requirement in college. It was taught by a Japanese man. I really enjoyed the class which is why I find The Arrow so interesting aside from the obvious hunks in it.
It is really early but I think I'm going to have a glass of red wine, soak in the hot tub and go to bed.
That's an interesting comment about submission and self confidence. I find I have the feeling of being the "captured hero" who is finally over come when enjoying a scene with a top. I know that's not the same as being with a Master although he put me in the same head space at times. And I know I'm not escaping but I still love the feeling that's submission because you really are outranked in strength.
ReplyDeleteMaybe "self confidence" is not the right term. I'm a good businessman and I know how to get what I want. I will work damn hard to get it. I'm not lacking confidence around home either and I'm certainly not lacking confidence when it comes to Master. If I were lacking confidence, I would be threatened by him and his eccentricities instead of embracing him and the whole package.
ReplyDeleteWhat I was referring to is that even though I am adventurist and a risk taking wanderer who enjoys being alone, there has always been someone in my life that has watched over and protected me. I'm grateful for that but I wonder how I would handle myself in a physical attack.
Akido and Judo requires a lot of physical contact. A lot of times I am a ruthless attacker but with certain men, I am so submissive that I give in easily. That is exactly the time when I need to exude more confidence so that, even if I choose to lay down, the guy as some sense that I am a threat and that if something were really wrong that I might or could beat him. I want to choose to be submissive, not submissive because it is part of my basic nature.
Does that make any sense at all?
Exactly. I understand that completely. I think it's what I was getting at when I mentioned the captured hero above. It's a choice I make in my head because it makes me feel good in a situation which I, again, choose to put myself in - as a submissive - as you have chosen who is to be in your life and how you live it..
ReplyDeleteI'm not absolutely sure that it isn't a part, albeit small, of one's basic nature as I think that with the freedom to make a choice you make whatever choice you do actually make because you are who you are. Sorry, that's reads awkwardly. What I mean is we are who we are and the choices we make are because we are who we are. That includes your choice to make yourself stronger physically because you want to feel that the other guy knows you ARE stronger, and not just your brain reassuring you that you are.
I hope you don't feel I'm presumptive when I say I think we're somewhat alike in many ways.
T
I strongly believe in what Carl Jung called the Collective unconscious and personal conscious.
ReplyDeleteCollective unconscious is a term of analytical psychology, coined by Carl Jung. It is proposed to be a part of the unconscious mind, expressed in humanity and all life forms with nervous systems, and describes how the structure of the psyche autonomously organizes experience. Jung distinguished the collective unconscious from the personal unconscious, in that the personal unconscious is a personal reservoir of experience unique to each individual, while the collective unconscious collects and organizes those personal experiences in a similar way with each member of a particular species.
I think that "personal unconscious is a personal reservoir of experience unique to each individual" but that within certain lifestyles we share aspects of that personal reservoir of experience. We're both submissive men so we share a reservoir of expectation and behavior necessary to fulfill that expectation.