Finding a privat diary on my slaves external drive.

My slave has given me absolute irrevocable power of his life, "past, present and future". He had turned his keys for everything so that nothing can be hidden. I'm learning trust from him.

I found a external storage device labeled Diaries and writings. I plugged it in and started reading. There are years worth of diaries dating back to high school and early writings about everything you can imagine.

I found references to suicide over the years that saddened me. He had even worked some plans out in detail. He was desperate for something he never felt he had. Someone to hold him tight. He wrote about feeling like a burden to his grand parents and being taken care of by housekeepers and chaperone who never quite filled his need for love.

Here is an excerpt that I feel safe in adding here

6 May 2011

I had a night with a “Top” named Alan. I was frustrated by his lack of experience. I was infuriated by wasting my time. Why do I bother? Do you think I want too much?

I’ give almost anything to find a real Master to take over my life, sort of like Max does without the history we share that keeps him from going all the way with me. It’s never going to happen. He’s been by surrogate father since I was 5.

So what do I want?

Someone bigger and stronger than me.
Someone masculine who cares little about what people think of him.
Tough and a little street wise.
Driven by a high testosterone level.
A little unwashed.
Someone who wants to turn me into his pig.
Tattoo/pierced

Someone who cares about me but has a dispassionate and sadistic side.
Someone to keep me unbalanced.
Someone to keep me balanced.
Someone who can say No to me.
Someone who won’t put up with my moody shit.
Someone who will slap the crap out of me if I say something mean or sarcastic

Someone to love me for good and bad but strong enough to eliminate the bad.

Someone who has the same wealth or has an ability to ignore mine.
Wealth can make happiness hard to find.

Someone to keep me captive and bound and torture me without hurting me.

Someone, most of all, someone that I can love, worship and respect so much that I can forget myself.

 A man who can change as our reality changes.
A man who can be Master, friend and big brother but mostly be my Master.His list went on.
 

Now for some fucking fun. My Mate Regie. He is an Irish Ginger that is fucking fun to be with. He trained me in a lot of stuff. He's here to help record some more hypnotic shit and work the slave over in ways he never felt before. Slave is in his cage except to piss and stretch and of course be fucked. Been that way for over a day. He'll stay there longer until he's good and tired of it.