Free Day

I felt grumpy, oppressed, restless and angry this morning. I went into zombie mode to keep it to myself.

Jason is now handling things like he's an old hand. He's gay of course and he's more of a country-western kind of guy who competes in amateur rodeos from time to time. He's a tall hefty shouldered guy with a butch haircut. He wear western boots and a wide brimmed straw western hat. He, like Master smokes cigars when the work day is done. He has a long upper lips that supports a long blondish mustache. It's kind of a nod to Buffalo Bill Cody without the curls at the side of his lip.

Master declared today to be a free day. He removed all the encumbrances from my body and told me to do what ever I wanted. So I went running. I turned Deep Forest on my phone and plugged the ear buds into my head, stretched and then set out on the road. I wore black running shoes, jock, nylon running shorts and a black skank top so I felt pretty much sexed up for myself.

While running, I filed through the things in my head that have caused me to have nightmares over the past few nights. I thought about feeling oppressed. I thought about being in a situation where I was not free to do exactly what I wanted. I've felt this way so often during my life.

I went to private schools with guards at the gates. I was dropped off inside the gate and picked up in the same place. There were only a few kids who road the school bus. I envied them because for that ride to and from school they were autonomous. They could scream and raise a ruckus if they dared. I was a single kid sitting in the back of a car alone. The cars always embarrassed me because they were big, black and corny looking to me. I wished they would pick me up in a normal car.

I also envied the wild kids who managed to find a way to get out of the school yard to cross the street to smoke cigarettes and act out violent looking rituals with each other. They were the bad kids who were always in the Headmaster's office waiting for angry and frustrated parents to arrive. There were times when I wanted to be one of them.

Now I envy the guys, the kinky tattoo addicts who mark their bodies where ever they want, when ever they want. I want to be a pig with no thought of danger or getting STD's for sucking and fucking anything that moves. All I have is a brand and a small mysterious emblem tattooed where almost no one ever sees it.

What I have instead are people who love and care about me. I have Master fussing over me and a group, a family of guys that I belong too. Once again I reminded myself of my good fortune so there is no reality for my feeling of being oppressed.

My pedometer told me that I ran over 26 miles before I hit the gate for the ranch. It was a short run for me today because I worked out so much in my head. I rinsed off in the pool shower and dropped into the pool to cool down and relax feeling damn fucking good.